a new story

For those of you who don't know, I want to be a writer when I grow up. I practice and let out (sometimes) crazy ideas. Here's a new story:

A procession of wagons rolled into the city's gates. The townspeople crowded round to see the strangers. The travelers smiled, but said nothing. A cloaked figure rode at the head. he turned his head to see around. Through the shadows of his hood, they could not see his face. A murmur rustled through the crowd.
The travelers were under the king's orders to rebuild a district near the city that had been ravaged by a fire, and ensure that the governor upheld the king's laws.
Work began at once. Mixed in with the soldiers were blacksmiths, carpenters, masons, and many other craftsmen. The hooded man oversaw everything. He was the king's heir; there were no princesses or princes. He was a magician. The workers called him 'Lord Thomas', and both feared him and were in awe of him. The people tried to stay away.
One windy day Thomas was watching men high up on the scaffolds. The woodwork wobbled. A sudden blast of wind sent it tumbling down -right on top of Thomas. He was rooted to the spot until the last possible second, magic drained out of his mind, then he started to run. But with an almighty crash, it was upon him.

Comments would be appreciated!!